


Nine Hours

by Johnstonmara353



Category: The Good Wife (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:27:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnstonmara353/pseuds/Johnstonmara353
Summary: The apartment was loud, crowded and filled with people she didn’t care to deal with. Peter was playing on her last nerve with his campaign questions and constant need for reassurance. The only person not making her feel crazy, the intriguing investigator currently sitting on her bed. What happens when Alicia reaches that limit?
Relationships: Alicia Florrick/Kalinda Sharma
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Nine Hours

Nine Hours

Alicia/Kalinda

Summary: The apartment was loud, crowded and filled with people she didn’t care to deal with. Peter was playing on her last nerve with his campaign questions and constant need for reassurance. The only person not making her feel crazy, the intriguing investigator currently sitting on her bed. What happens when Alicia reaches that limit? 

Alicia was embarrassed by the chaos that was her apartment. Not only for the fact that Grace had Shannon hanging around, but because of Peter’s trial and campaign, she and Kalinda were stuck in her bedroom. It had already been three hours. Kalinda had stripped her leather jacket and boots from her body, resting comfortably against the headboard. 

As Alicia returned from the kitchen, beers in hand, she locked the door behind her. The click of the lock engaging much louder than she had intended it to be. She needed to keep the world out for a little while. The chaos, the yelling and arguing was becoming more than she could bear. She took a few deep breaths, trying to block out the noise coming from the other side of the door. As she turned back to her bed, she heard a distinct giggle. She couldn’t help but smile as Kalinda covered her mouth with her hand, trying to stop the laughter. It was something she had been doing on and off all morning. Little things would make her smile or laugh that Alicia hadn’t noticed before. She winked at her, playing along with the investigator’s unusually happy behavior. And Alicia didn’t want her to realize how much discomfort and frustration her husband being there caused her. 

Alicia handed Kalinda the bottle and laughed to herself as the investigator finally relaxed against the headboard. It was a much different side to Kalinda than she had ever experienced. She was comfortable and unguarded. It was all business as they flipped through the files. She was open and sharing a few personal stories. It was refreshing and a little terrifying. Alicia nudged her arm. “What are you giggling about?”

Kalinda took a sip from the bottle before glancing up at Alicia through her thick black lashes. It was half questioning, half seducing. Alicia had seen that look enough times to know that the investigator had reached a level of comfort that she never thought possible. She was comfortable enough with Alicia to play games. To be herself and not worry about the consequences. “Why’d you lock the door?” It had been over three hours since she had arrived at the apartment. She understood why Alicia was becoming increasingly frustrated, despite trying to hide it. If it had been her in Alicia’s position she would have told them all to go to hell somewhere in that first hour. She had little patients for chaos and disregard for others. They were trying to save a man’s life and the only thing Peter was worried about was his re-election campaign. Barging into the room every ten minutes to ask Alicia a question. Eli needing her to go over a few documents with him. It was becoming too much and all Kalinda could do was watch Alicia become more and more bitter and angry. 

The older woman rolled her eyes a little, but she could feel a slight blush rising in her cheeks. Kalinda had a way of getting to her like no one else could. Poking her in all the right emotional places until she got the response she wanted. An honest response. Alicia leaned back against the headboard, turning slightly to watch Kalinda. “We’ve already been interrupted seventeen times and it’s only the first three hours. We have six more, stuck in this room. I would rather just keep the world out for a while.” She closed her eyes for a moment, her fingers tentatively moved against Kalinda’s on the blanket. It was familiar. In the recent months, the investigator’s gentle and subtle touches had become more familiar than her husbands. Her finger’s moving gently over Kalinda’s knuckles, smiling as she watched the investigator watch her hand. If Kalinda had been surprised by the touch she didn’t show it, instead she quietly sighed, loud enough for only Alicia to hear. As she opened her mouth to comment again, a persistent banging began on the door. She groaned and moved to take her hand away, but Kalinda’s fingers started moving against hers. Calming her. Reminding her that she didn’t have to do anything she didn’t want to do. “Unless you’re bleeding to death, go away,” she yelled before flipping through a file with her free hand. 

She heard the door knob try to turn and smiled as he knocked again. “Alicia, Eli needs to talk to you,” Peter’s voice carefully said through the door. 

Alicia threw the file on the bed, but still refused to leave her spot. She could hear Eli yelling from the kitchen. Could hear the ten or so people clattering around and all she wanted was for it all to stop. The noise, the voices, the people. She needed it all to stop. Kalinda’s finger’s continued to move against hers. She never tried to stop Alicia as she interlaced their fingers. It was the only anchor she had against the raging storm inside her head. “I’m not talking anymore, Peter. I’m trying to save a man’s life. You’re re-election isn’t that important to me right now,” she said a little louder. 

Kalinda could see the fire burning. She could see the explosion pending. She had never seen Alicia act that way. Had never seen her stand her ground when it came to her personal life. Peter had walked all over her for years, and when they first met, Kalinda believed that would always continue. She was proud of her for standing up for herself. For putting herself first. But she was afraid the hurricane that had been building inside Alicia was going to do more damage than good. She nudged her shoulder with a rare, sweet smile that she reserved only for the attorney. Moving closer and tightening her fingers around Alicia’s. She brushed the fallen curls behind the frustrated woman’s ear. “If you go talk to them, they’ll go away faster.”

Alicia was becoming more agitated the longer she saw Peter’s shadow under the door. How had she handled her life with him for fifteen years? The neediness wasn’t anything new to her, she just no longer had the tolerance for it. The dedication that he needed from her wasn’t something she hadn’t experienced their entire marriage, but it was something that she no longer wanted to offer. She no longer wanted to be the housewife. She no longer just wanted to be the mother to her children. She had the ability to be so much more than just the wife that stood by her husband during his sex scandal. “Fuck no,” she mumbled under her breath as another knock came at the door.

“Alicia, he needs to talk to my wife,” he said a little too pitifully. Years ago, his pathetically puppy dog face and whinny voice was enough to get her to jump through hoops.

Alicia let out an angry, frustrated sigh. Her hand started to shake against Kalinda’s. Her heart started to beat faster. “Maybe next time, you’ll act like you have a wife,” she said without thinking, but meaning every word. Alicia knew she had shocked Kalinda when she began rubbing a hand soothingly down her back. Whispering her name. 

“Kalinda, please open the door,” he begged, tapping his foot on the wood floor outside the door. Resorting to asking a favor of the one person he knew his wife trusted more than anyone. 

Alicia pinched the bridge of her nose, as she rested her head back against the headboard. Hearing the investigator’s name coming from his mouth sent a new wave of anger running through her body. “If you open that door, I’m kicking you out too,” she said without opening her eyes. She didn’t need to see Kalinda to know what she was thinking. She wanted to be helpful. She wanted to defuse a sensitive situation. 

Kalinda squeezed her hand. Watching her face as Eli’s voice got louder for a moment. She couldn’t imagine having her life turned upside down every election year. For fifteen years, Alicia dealt with the constant questions and digging into her personal life. She had her children public embarrassed and herself shamed by the media. She would never imagine a situation that would cause her to help Peter. She sure wasn’t going to open the door and make the day harder than it already was for Alicia. She would protect her. Keeping them in their safe haven for a little while longer. She leaned her head against the older woman’s shoulder, smiling at her. “You think I wanna be stuck out there with them? I’m perfect right here.” 

Alicia watched out of the corner of her eye as Peter’s shadow finally disappeared under the door. She rested her head against the companion’s. It was the normality of it that settled those nerves in the pit of her stomach that Peter now caused. She regretted telling Kalinda that she wanted Peter out of prison when she had asked. Her testimony depended on Alicia’s answer. If she had said no, her apartment would have been the peaceful safe place that it had once been. Since Peter returned home, on house arrest, her brain hadn’t stopped running. She couldn’t sleep because her brain wouldn’t stop. She could barely think due to exhaustion. She sighed, more emotionally than physically, before pushing herself away from the headboard. Kalinda’s body moving away, left her feeling cold. “I need a damn break,” she mumbled, picking up a file. 

Kalinda had sensed the change in Alicia body from the moment she walked into the bedroom. She was more agitated than normal, even while dealing with Peter. She was more aggressive and frustrated than the investigator had ever seen her. She sensed the distance between husband and wife as they passed by the kitchen and Alicia ignored Peter’s question. She knew something was going on in the house and with Alicia that had been revealed to her. And it concerned her that Alicia was choosing to ignore her emotions instead of talking about them. All Alicia ever did was talk about how she felt and Kalinda was more than happy to listen and console. But the woman sitting in front of her was much different than the woman she had been working with over the past two years. Kalinda took the file from her hand, throwing it across the bed. “What’s going on with you today?”

Alicia froze for a moment before letting go of Kalinda’s hand and pulling out the file that she had hidden under her pillow. Diane and David had made her two copies while they filed the original with the court. She wanted it done as quietly as possible. She didn’t want Peter to know until his house arrest was over. She handed the file to Kalinda. Alicia had specifically asked Diane not to include the investigator in any aspect of the divorce. She didn’t want to fight him. And she didn’t want her family embarrassed more. She just wanted her responsibilities as Peter’s wife to be over. “I filed for divorce yesterday. He doesn’t know yet.”

Kalinda shook her head, opening the file. “David Lee didn’t have any new cases for me to investigative.” The investigator racked her brain for any rumors that she had heard or conversations she had with the partners. No one had mentioned anything to her. And if anyone at Lockhart/Gardner had any questions about Alicia’s life, she was normally the first one that was asked. She flipped through the paper work that was now laying in her lap. Alicia’s signature and initial’s littered every page. The date noted every few pages. She didn’t want to read the file in front of her, but as she flipped through the fifty or so pages, she noticed certain words. ADULTERY. CONTROLLING. NEGLECTFUL. And those were just the words she caught. 

Alicia pulled out the last page, handing it to her. “Diane is handling the divorce. David Lee is her second chair. He’s only used in case the situation becomes messy.” Alicia could still see the questions in her eyes. She had purposefully kept it from her. She hadn’t intended to tell Kalinda until it was already too late for her to participate. It wasn’t that she wouldn’t appreciate all the work that the investigator would put into protecting her and her children, but it wasn’t needed. “I asked them not to use you for any investigative work.”

Kalinda wanted to read through the entire file over and over again until she knew everything that Peter had put her through over the last fifteen years. She wanted to know every secret her best friend had been keeping from her. “Alicia, I could be useful. I worked for that office for two years. I have friends in every department that would love to take Peter down. I know more secrets than anyone,” she said, trying to keep her voice low. 

Alicia smiled, even as she heard a crash and curse from the kitchen, she still smiled. Her entire focus on the woman in front of her that wanted so desperately to help her. “It’s not needed. I appreciate the offer, but Peter won’t fight for custody. If he does, I’ll be fine. Between Diane and the scandal, no judge would give him full custody.” She turned her head, catching Kalinda’s eyes with her own and sighing. She had never realized how many shades of brown were in Kalinda’s eyes. It was an intense moment before she heard another crash come from outside the door, pulling her away from the brief moment of peace. “That’s the reason. I want my apartment back. It was so quiet last week. I prefer the quiet over all this. The only other person that was wandering around my house last week was Shannon. I never even know when she’s here because she’s so damn quiet.”

Kalinda’s hand released Alicia’s. Running her palm gently up and down Alicia’s back. She hadn’t thought much about working that case out of Alicia’s bedroom, but it obviously bothered the older woman. And there was no escape. Neither of them could leave. But she wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in those moments. Kalinda could work anywhere. The more comfortable she was, the more work she could accomplish. Alicia was angry, but the investigator knew it had very little to do with working out of her bedroom for a few hours. She was angry because she lost control over her life again. She had just gained footing in a new environment and Peter rocked that new normal. “Let’s just take a few minutes. We can’t do anything until he calls back.”

Alicia would laugh at her life if it were a movie. Her cheating husband fighting to stay out of jail, fighting for his re-election. She, fighting for a mans life in the next room. And then there were the odd feelings she was beginning to have for their gorgeous in-house investigator. Someone that was her best friend and constant anchor in her ever changing life. How was she supposed to handle that? And of course, there was the dream she had only hours before they had been forced into their confined space. “Life has been playing tricks on me lately, and I think it’s best not to take it seriously.” Alicia raises her bottle as if making a toast. Not wanting to brush off what she was feeling, but needing a few more moments before she could decide what to do about it.

Kalinda nods, giving one of her penetrating looks. Alicia was keeping secrets from. For a moment she remembered all the late nights between her friend and Will. All the phone calls that caused her voice to lower an octave. All the times she caught Alicia blushing when Will would smile at her. “Is this about work, or is this about Will?” she asked carefully. She didn’t want to cause Alicia any more stress.

Alicia glanced down at the files that were scattered across her bed. Her life was falling apart and she was in charge of saving someone elses. Depending on everyone else to feed her the information while she sat on the sidelines, helpless. Then there was the dream she still couldn’t shake. She now craved Kalinda’s touch, no matter how platonic it was. “There’s a man sitting somewhere, seventy-five miles from here. He knows that in nine hours he’ll be dead.” She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of all the other things she would prefer to think about. “I’m just...having a hard time wrapping my mind around that.”

Kalinda takes the words the conflicted attorney said to heart, but she knew it wasn’t the entire truth. She wanted Alicia to feel comfortable telling her everything and anything that was bothering her. And she knew something was bothering her so deeply it was changing her entire personality. Alicia had been acting odd all morning. Nervous and frustrated was not Alicia. Sweet and accommodating was the normal Alicia. “You’re not telling me something. I can feel it,” she said quietly. 

Alicia’s fingers wandered to the bottom hem of Kalinda’s leather skirt. The investigator had taken her thigh highs off in the bathroom around hour two of their sit-in. The caramel skin smooth under her fingertips. She didn’t want to talk about Peter anymore. She didn’t want to think about the stampede of people trampling around her living room. She wanted to focus on something she could control. “What does Blake have on you?” she asked quietly, her fingers running slowly along Kalinda’s exposed thigh. 

For a moment, Kalinda allowed herself to focus on Alicia’s fingers trailing over her thigh. She was thanking every deity that had ever been mentioned in the history of time that she had taken those damn hose off. She was amazed that Alicia’s touch caused all the muscles in her body to relax. All the tension from her body fading away as her fingers ghosted over the sensitive skin beneath the hem. “Have on me?” It took Kalinda a few moments for the words Alicia said to fully register in her brain. Normally she would be quicker with her vocal comprehensive skills, but it was exactly a normal day. She glanced at Alicia’s face, before Kalinda’s armor started to rise again and she looked away. “I don’t think he has anything on me,” she lies, taking a sip from the now warm beer. She set it on the side table, trying to ignore the eye roll she received from Alicia in return. 

Alicia pulled her hand away from Kalinda’s skin as if she had been burned. She never appreciated being lied to and after the year she had with Peter, she took the action more personally. Kalinda was the one person she trusted with every secret, every feeling she ever had, but she still couldn’t receive that same honesty in return. She dropped the empty bottle in the trashcan next to the bed. Forcing herself not to move away as Kalinda ran a hand through her hair. “I need a stronger drink,” she mumbled, contemplating leaving the bedroom in search of tequila. When she was tipsy, it didn’t hurt as much when Kalinda flat out lied to her. Alcohol made Kalinda seem more mysterious than she really was. She wasn’t mysterious at all, she was guarded and mistrusting. 

Kalinda could see Alicia’s walls returning to their full height. Protecting herself. She hesitated as she reached out for Alicia’s hand. Reminding her body not to tense as her hand fell on Alicia’s thigh. Forcing herself to show the same amount of intimacy that Alicia had shown her. She could see the other woman was hurting because of her dishonesty. “I didn’t like my life before...” she started, pausing in search of the right words. “...I needed to change it.”

It was the most honest Kalinda had ever been with her regarding her personal life. Usually when Alicia asked a question, the investigator smirked, or walked away, or avoided her question completely by bringing up work. Alicia knew she had her reasons to keep her life private. She even knew some of the secrets that she kept buried so deep inside. Alicia brushed a few stray curls behind Kalinda’s ear, uncovering the face that she was trying to hide. As she studied the woman beside her, she noticed her body language was suddenly tense. Reminding her of how Kalinda’s body reacted every time they passed Blake in the hallway, or had to ride the elevator with him. Even as the words left the investigator’s lips, her voice sounded different, almost timid. “How did you change it?” she whispered, her fingers playing in the soft curls on Kalinda’s shoulder. 

Kalinda shook her head, feeling the familiar sting of tears. She looked around the room for a moment, finding something to focus on that wasn’t Alicia. She took a few deep breath before her mouth opened again. “In ways that Blake wants to use against me,” she whispered, remembering all the blurred threats. Threats made not only to her, but also Alicia’s. Threatening to tell all the secrets that she had kept hidden for so long. Threatening to call the one person that she feared. “I tried to tell Will, but he wouldn’t listen. He thought I just needed to learn how to get along with him.” Her eyes went back to Alicia’s. There was no judgment on Alicia’s face as she allowed a single tear to fall. “Blake thinks that everything in my past should be out in the open. I don’t like people invading my private life. He could cause a lot of harm if he wants to. If he calls the wrong people asking about me.” Even as the words came out of her mouth, she couldn’t believe she was saying them. That she was telling someone about something important to her. She quickly wiped her face as Alicia’s fingers ran along her cheek before settling on her bare thigh again. “Can I tell you more a little later?” she asked, playing with the bracelet on Alicia’s wrist. 

Alicia nodded. She had never dreamed Kalinda would ever open up to her about her favorite color or birthday. And for a moment, she felt the investigator’s pain and discomfort. She felt that her pain went deeper and further into her past then the investigator would ever reveal. It was her turn. If Kalinda could reveal something about herself, she could as well. She laid on her side against the pillows. They weren’t getting any work done until the clerk phoned them back. She felt the blush begin to rise in her cheeks as she thought of the dream she had been pulled out of. And the star of that dream was currently sitting in bed with her. “It has nothing to do with work or Will,” she said, watching Kalinda slowly move the files to the end of the bed. “It doesn’t even have anything to do with this case. we’ve already won it.” She smirked as a flash of Kalinda’s bare skin popped into her mind. Her eyes found Kalinda’s swimming with questions. “It’s you.”

Kalinda mirrored Alicia’s body. Her elbow holding herself up against the pillows. The scent of Alicia filling her nose the closer she got to the place she slept every night. Her hand rested against Alicia’s on the comforter. She tried to read the attorney’s face, but failed. The emotions she saw in Alicia’s eyes weren’t ones that she had seen before. They weren’t emotions she had seen before with anyone. “Did I do something wrong?”

Alicia’s thumb moved over Kalinda’s knuckles. Her eyes locked with the younger woman’s as she shook her head lightly. “Can I try something without you running away?” she asked, beginning to feel braver the longer her eyes remained on Kalinda’s. She could see how much the investigator cared for her, for her pain, just by looking in her eyes. 

Kalinda laughed lightly as she moved a little closer, leaving less than a folders distance between them. Her fingers tightening around Alicia’s as she continued to smirk. “Where would I run to?”

Alicia chose not the answer as Kalinda’s eyes lit up with her smile. She had never seen the younger woman’s eyes light up that bright. She had also never seen her happier than in that moment. Her hand slightly shook as she released Kalinda’s hand, and gently touched her cheek before resting under her chin. She could feel the young woman’s pulse increase as her fingers glided slowly down Kalinda’s neck. As Alicia moved closer, she was thankful Kalinda hadn’t moved away. She could have almost swore she felt the woman shiver against her fingers. As her lips barely grazed Kalinda’s, she felt her inhale sharply. Her eyes drifted closed. “Don’t run,” she whispered, allowing her lips to explore the caramel lips that she had been admiring for so long. And as hard as she made herself appear. There was nothing hard about kissing Kalinda Sharma. She was soft and warm. Giving just as much as she took and encouraging Alicia with a low moan. Alicia’s hand abandoned Kalinda’s smooth neck to entangle in the black locks as the kiss intensified. She nipped and sucked at the investigator’s now blood filled bottom lip. As Kalinda’s hand moved to grip her hip, goosebumps and chills overtook Alicia’s body. A spark igniting in her heart as Kalinda moaned against her mouth. It had been a long time since she felt that familiar fire burning deep inside her. Something inside her heart, that had been burned out years ago, had finally re-ignited. She could feel the love again. She could feel the want again. 

Kalinda hadn’t expected her day to turn out as it had. And she wanted to push Alicia away. Wanted to tell her it was a terrible idea, but she couldn’t. Her hand that had been resting on Alicia’s hip slipped under her blouse, feeling warm, smooth skin. As her nails gently scratched down the pale skin of Alicia’s back as her tongue sought entrance into the warmth she was now craving to taste. 

Alicia’s lips parted with little effort. Allowing the investigator’s tongue to slowly caress her own. The smaller woman tasted of beer and the apple gum she had been chewing all morning. Her heart swelled as Kalinda moaned openly against her lips. She had never met someone as responsive as the investigator. For the first time in fifteen years, Alicia felt as if she were on equal footing with her partner. It was a slow, exploration. No aggression. Just gentle touches and meaningful kisses. She only pulled away enough to smile against the investigator’s lips and nuzzle her nose. Her smile only getting bigger as Kalinda blushed at the affection. “That was interesting,” she whispered, trying not to gauge Kalinda’s reaction too closely. 

Kalinda’s fingers traced the curve of the older woman’s jaw. Biting her lower lip and trying not to laugh as Alicia kissed her nose. The intimacy of the act wasn’t lost on her. With any other female partner, she would pull away from the emotional intimacy. With Alicia, the emotional intimacy is what drew her further in. Looking into the other woman’s eyes, everything started to make sense. The nervousness Alicia had displayed since her arrival that morning. The lawyer keeping her distance for the last three hours. Not making eyes contact while they were working. “Is this why you’ve been acting so weird?” She watched Alicia’s brow furrow, but her fingers continued to trace soothing patterns along her jaw and cheek. “You’ve been nervous and awkward since I got here. You haven’t wanted to maintain eye contact for never long. And every time I get close to you, you move away from me.”

Alicia kissed her gently before pulling away enough to take in Kalinda’s appearance. She was seeing her differently. Kalinda was no longer the tough, unreadable investigator. She was just a woman. Her face and eyes glowed as she smiled. Alicia had always known the investigator was a head-turner wherever they went. But it was the first time she saw her as beautiful. Not only physically gorgeous, but more emotionally giving than anyone would expect. It was in Kalinda’s eyes. She gave more love and passion through her eyes than anyone she had ever met. “Not exactly,” she whispered, biting her lower lip. Searching for the words that would convey not only her emotions, but the wonderful dream that pushed her to that moment. As her eyes met Kalinda’s, Alicia decided the truth would be the only way to go. “I had a very vivid dream about you this morning.”

Kalinda smiled. If she were asked to tell all the times she had wet dream about the beautiful, powerful attorney, they would be locked in her room for a few days. Her lips caressing Alicia’s softly, calming her. “You had a sex dream about me and that made you uncomfortable?” She felt Alicia moan against her mouth as Kalinda’s fingers tightened against her waist. Matching Alicia’s eager kisses for a moment before resting her forehead against the panting attorney’s. “You seem comfortable to me,” she grinned as she pulled away from her. 

Alicia’s hand found Kalinda’s, searching for a strength she hadn’t realized she needed. It wasn’t the dream that made her uncomfortable. It wasn’t even because it was Kalinda that was moaning her name. It was how much she liked it. How much she regretted not finishing it. She brought Kalinda’s hand to her lips, running her lips along the knuckles. “No, I had a dream about us having sex in my bed and because my luck is so good, we had to work this case from my bed.”

Kalinda moved her fingers slowly over Alicia’s knuckles. “Yeah, I can see how this is weird for you,” she laughed quietly, attempting to distract from how uncomfortable she was becoming. But the only look she received in return was confusion. With everything going on outside the bedroom walls, Alicia needed clarity, the investigator understood that. And whatever Alicia needed, Kalinda would give her. It was no secret that she cared very deeply for the older woman. She protected her at every turn. But she never had to verbally express her own feelings. The investigator wasn’t a verbal person by nature. And every partner she had before, never mattered enough to consider expressing herself for. She also didn’t want to assume the attorney wanted anything beyond what was happening inside her bedroom. She tried to smile, but the thought of Alicia telling her that she didn’t want a commitment with her caused Kalinda’s wall to start rebuilding around herself. “Alicia, we don’t have to talk about this. If you just wanted to try this because of a dream, that’s okay.”

Alicia could see the emotional barriers beginning to surround the investigator once again. She was shutting down because Alicia wouldn’t let her run. It had taken her two years for Alicia to finally take control of her life. Two years of dreams and constant thought of the woman that was her only friend. After those long nights in the office, the late night phone calls, and the text and emails for no reason at all, she couldn’t deny those familiar feelings. And she didn’t want Kalinda shutting down her feelings or pretending it was a moment of experimentation. “It made me uncomfortable until about twenty minutes ago.” Her hand tightened around the back of Kalinda’s neck; pulling her back into her warmth. Her lips capturing the younger woman’s in the most passionate kiss she had ever given. It was slow and wet. Every emotion Alicia had within her poured into every movement she made. She wanted Kalinda to feel it. She needed her to feel everything that was coursing through her body. Alicia only pulled away when the investigator lightly gasped for air. But as her eyes met Alicia’s, the attorney knew she felt it. “I’m fine now,” she whispered against Kalinda’s smiling lips, watching the walls fall back down. “Please, don’t run,” she whispered as a chill ran down her spine and the young woman’s body moved slightly away from hers. 

Kalinda saw the movement under the door before she saw pink fingernails wiggling against the bottom door jam. She kissed Alicia lightly before putting a finger over her lips and motioning toward the door. The children were the number one reason Kalinda hadn’t wanted Alicia to lock the door. Grace and Shannon had been in and out of the room all morning, taking advantage of Kalinda being present all day. They were writing a short story for their creative writing class and every few pages they wanted the investigator to look over their work. For once, Kalinda had been enjoying the attention from the young teens. 

Alicia groaned as she heard Grace’s nails tapping on the door frame. She pushed herself from the bed, took the three steps and swung open the door. Grace stood in front of her, playing with her braid, looking down at the floor. “What’s wrong, honey?” 

“Zach’s in the bathroom. Can I use yours?” she asked sweetly. 

Alicia could see Peter standing in the doorway to the kitchen. Watching her as she she stepped aside and allowed Grace to pass her. She held his gaze as he silently asked if she was okay. Feeling the need to keep the peace until she could escape the apartment, Alicia nodded and smiled that famous Alicia smile. Mouthing that she was sorry for her earlier behavior, even though she really wasn’t, but she could calm a brewing storm she would. 

Alicia closed the door and sighed as she turned back to the bed. Settling down back against the headboard, watching Kalinda pretend to work through their files. Refusing to make eye contact. Her cheeks were slightly red and her lips were swollen. The neat bun that usually sat at the back of her head was beginning to loosen. But Alicia saw a gentle glow in the young woman’s face that made her appearance more arousing. “Don’t run,” she whispered before Grace came out of the bathroom. “Will you lock the door when you leave, honey?”

Grace smiled. It was entertaining watching her mother squirm. It was even more entertaining watching Kalinda try to pretend she was anywhere but in the bedroom. “Sure.” She turned the lock on the door before turning back to the bed, she could stop from poking an already agitated bear. “By the way, you might want to fix your lipstick before you come out.”

Alicia watched her daughter lock the door and leave before burying her face in her knees. She silently begged the phone to ring. She wanted to think about anything but her personal life. Peter had seen her smeared lipstick when she was standing at the door. How had she not thought about it before she opened the door? Her fingers massaged her temples, trying to release some of the frustration that was beginning to boiling in her brain all over again. “When can we go back to the office?” she groaned, feeling Kalinda’s hand on her back. Her strong fingers digging gently into the knots on Alicia’s shoulders. 

Despite what most might think, Kalinda was always the protector. Always throwing herself in dangerous situation to protect the ones she loved. She was the nurturer that couldn’t stand other’s pain, especially Alicia’s pain. When Amber Madison was harrassing her, making her cry at her desk over the messages she left, Kalinda wanted to handle the situation, but Alicia wouldn’t let her. All the times she found her barely holding her emotions together when Cary repeatedly sent her news reports on the scandal. Kalinda had handled that situation, Cary was no longer at Lockhart/Gardner. At that moment, there was nothing she could do for Alicia’s frustration and discomfort. “Would you like me to leave?” she asked, gently trailing her fingers at the nape of her neck, urging the muscles to relax. 

Alicia shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to be alone with her thoughts. She would drive herself crazy waiting for the clerk to call her back. “If you leave, I won’t have any reason to keep Peter and his goonies out of here. I don’t want to talk to them,” she said, glancing at Kalinda. “You’re much more interesting to talk to.”

Kalinda smirked, leaning her head against Alicia’s shoulder. Her hand wrapping around Alicia’s calf, massaging the tense muscle, encouraged by the woman’s soft moans. “And you’d have to explain this to your daughter.”

Alicia smiled, smelling the strawberry shampoo in Kalinda’s hair. “I think Grace knows exactly what she walked in on.” She kissed Kalinda’s forehead. It was of an automatic intimate gesture. “I caught her and Shannon making out in her room a few days ago.” Alicia laughed as she remembered opening Grace’s door and watching her jump as far away from her bed and Shannon as she could possibly get. She had talked to both girl’s after allowing a few hours for them all to settle their nerves. 

Kalinda smiled against Alicia’s shoulder. She had known the two girls were more than friends the second they walked in the room together. “At least you won’t have to worry about her getting pregnant.” 

Alicia reached behind Kalinda’s head and pulled the pins from the loose bun. Her dark curls tumbling down her back. “Somehow that makes me feel a little better.” She could feel the change in Kalinda’s body as Alicia forced her closer. It was as if the last of her shield had finally fallen, but her body was far more tense than she had ever felt it. Her becoming sharper. Her eyes avoiding Alicia’s despite the attorney’s efforts to connect with her.

GUILT. SHAME. EMBARRASSMENT. FEAR. Those were the only words that described what she was feeling. Kalinda knew she had done terrible things in her past, when she wasn’t Kalinda Sharma. She had done things she wasn’t proud of. Things she had to do in order to keep herself alive. But the secrets she held also would hurt more than her. It would destroy more than her own heart. It would destroy Alicia’s as well. She had finally got what she wanted and knew she was gonna lose it in the next breath. She swallowed hard, begging her lower lip to stop trembling. “I have to tell you something,” she barely whispered. 

Alicia could feel her trying to move away from her. Her fingers continued to massage the tense muscles in the investigator’s neck. She had known what had happened between Kalinda and Peter for the last few months. She had heard the rumors. Had heard the name over and over again since Blake had started at the firm. She had even done her own investigation and found more than she bargained for. She leaned her forehead against Kalinda’s temple. She wouldn’t look at her. A few tears already silently falling. “When I accused you of sleeping with Peter, the first thing out of your mouth was that it wasn’t pertinent to the case. Then you said it wasn’t true. I knew you were lying, but I didn’t know why. I started asking questions.” Alicia could see Kalinda’s bottom lip still trembling as she twirled a few strands of her hair around her fingers. Alicia had been angry when she was first told about their one night together. But after reading the entire file on Leela Tahiri, her anger turned to empathy and an odd stage of understanding. “You don’t have to feel the guilt and shame anymore,” she whispered, moving the hair from her face. 

Kalinda nodded. It was not the way she had wanted Alicia to find out about her life before she became the woman she was now. She wanted to be the one to tell her. She had wanted to be the one that broke her heart because at least that way she could ensure Alicia had the truth. There were only two other people that knew the entire truth of her life and all Kalinda could do was pray Alicia managed to get her information from those reliable sources. “What else do you know?” All the investigator felt was fear. 

Alicia’s fingers traced the strong jaw, feeling the muscles begin to relax. Running her thumb over Kalinda’s bottom lip. She wasn’t gonna let her break. She wasn’t gonna allow her to pull away. Alicia was hoping to show that despite what she knew, she was still there. She wasn’t pushing her away. “I know everything you didn’t want me to know. I talked to Agent Delaney.” She paused as she felt Kalinda release a long sigh. Alicia had heard the investigator mention her multiple times throughout their friendship. Had seen her visit the office on the rare occasion she wasn’t working. And she had observed Kalinda with her. The smaller woman, who always seemed uncomfortable with others, was completely at ease in Lana’s presence. “She gave me her file on Leela Tehiri. She told me that she and Eli helped you.” She kissed her temple as a soft sob left Kalinda’s lips. “She also said Peter found out your documents were fake. You went to her after it happened.”

Kalinda caught Alicia’s hand in her own, glancing at her through the tears. She was grateful that Lana had given Alicia the entire file. The facts never lied. She was also frustrated that she hadn’t told her she was feeding Alicia information. “After I kill her, I’ll need a lawyer,” she tried to joke. Tried to brush off how uncomfortable she was becoming. She had also been having sex with Lana when the incident with Peter had taken place. She could only assume that if Alicia knew about Peter, she also knew about her relationship with Lana. 

Alicia kissed her slowly and gently. Careful not to shatter what she had broken. Tasting the salt on her lips. “Don’t be mad at her. I had to do a lot of groveling.” She remembered the conversation she had with Lana as if it had happened a few hours ago. The federal agent had been furious at her request for the file that never technically existed. She despised her because of Peter and she couldn’t change that. All Alicia did was tell her the truth. She told Lana everything. How she felt about Kalinda. Ensuring her that the information was only gonna be used to get to know her better. “I had to tell her why I needed to know.” The older woman smiled against Kalinda’s lips as she wiped the tears away. Remembering confessing her love. She remembered crying as the words left her mouth for the first time and it wasn’t even to the person they were meant for. “I had to tell her things that I should have told you first.”

Kalinda pulled Alicia’s hand to her chest, allowing her to feel her pounding heart beat. The pale cool fingers felt amazing against her overheated skin. It was hard for her to believe Alicia wasn’t running away from her. Wasn’t screaming and yelling at her to leave and never speak to her again. Out of all the scenarios that Kalinda had prepared herself for, this wasn’t one of them. “Do you still want to tell me?” 

Alicia understood the fear that Kalinda felt. She was also afraid that at any moment the investigator would decide to run away. Decide that an intimate relationship with her wasn’t something she wanted after all. But she had already come so far and confessed so much. “Would you like to hear it?” She asked, watching Kalinda nod, but avoid any eye contact. Alicia needed to see her. She needed to feel that connection with her again. “Will you look at me? I want to see you when I tell you.”

Kalinda immediately caught Alicia’s eyes. She saw the fresh tears as they slid down the attorney’s pale face, but she was smiling. She was happy. The investigator couldn’t recall a time that she had seen Alicia more happy and excited. Kalinda was well aware Alicia was far more connected with her emotions than she was. She was also far more aware of Alicia’s emotions than the attorney herself. She wanted to be more. She wanted to be able to give Alicia more than she had ever been willing to give any other partner. “I’m not very good at this.”

“I know that. I’m not good at this either, but I really want to try.” She squeezed Kalinda’s hand as a small smile appeared. “I’ve fallen too hard not to try. I care about you. I admire you and that was before I talked to Lana.” She kissed Kalinda’s cheek. Placing smaller kisses behind her ear, causing the smaller woman to moan. “I fell even harder after I read the file.” she whispered against the younger woman’s ear. Pulling away enough to catch the new tears that streamed down Kalinda’s face. She wiped the tears away with her thumb as the younger woman gasped. “You’re the strongest person I know. I read that entire file. There’s nothing in there you shoulder ever be ashamed of,” she whispered as she kissed Kalinda gently. Alicia had read every vile thing Leela’s husband did to her. All the things he had forced her to do while operating his drug ring. She had seen the pictures of the twenty-two year old fragile woman. Had seen the cuts, cruises and burns on her skin. Had listened to Lana explain how hard it was to move the domestically abused wife of a respected drug trafficker. How they had almost failed and got Kalinda killed. They had only gotten lucky when Nick made a deal with an undercover biker. “You fought like hell to get your life back. You don’t have to be afraid of me being angry by what happened.” Lana told her about the first year Kalinda spent in Chicago. Explained how bad the night terrors were in the beginning. Listed the medications Kalinda had tried to stop the flashbacks and anxiety; none of them worked. Named the psychologists she had recommended and the two the investigator actually saw. Talk therapy never helped because she never talked. Lana had been the only person she had talked to. She had been there through the three years of recovery, the multiple therapy sessions, and multiple medication changes until they found the right combination. In Alicia’s eyes, Kalinda was exceptional. She was beautiful. Strong. And braver than she had ever imagined. 

Kalinda closed her eyes for a moment, breathing Alicia in. Finally, someone knew everything. She didn’t have to hide from or avoid conversations. She could talk about her life before she became Kalinda. She could talk about her family and her childhood with someone that wouldn’t judge her. But those were things that she wasn’t sure she remembered how to talk about openly about herself. It wasn’t in her nature to talk. She preferred her actions speak for themselves, but she couldn’t do that with Alicia. The older woman needed her to talk. She needed her to give her that unconditional affection that she deserved. She didn’t remember how to offer unconditional affection to anyone. The last person she had loved, twisted her life into a nightmare. “What do we do about this?” 

“Do you plan on seeing anyone else?” she asked. She wouldn’t blame Kalinda if she did want to see what her options were. She was well aware that a single mother of two children that returned to the workplace late due to her husbands career wasn’t a catch. She knew what kind of baggage she carried due to Peter’s scandal. Every move they make will be scrutinized. The investigator’s background will be dug into with a fine tooth comb. They would have to contact Lana to ensure that Kalinda’s past was gone. Alicia wouldn’t risk putting Kalinda in danger because of her. 

Kalinda shook her head. She had wanted Alicia for too long to let her go over a fling. She didn’t need to see what else was out there. She had been in the dating scene for far too long not to realize what a catch Alicia was. The scandal didn’t matter. She had become her friend and spent every waking moment with her despite the rumors and media. It didn’t bother her that Alicia had children. She enjoyed spending time with Grace. Helping her with her homework. Giving her advice. She didn’t have a close relationship with Zach, but he was always polite to her when they were in Alicia’s apartment. “What about work?” It was a valid question. Kalinda wasn’t shy about her sexuality. She wasn’t ashamed about being in a relationship with a woman. Alicia’s sexuality was something that hadn’t been discussed. 

Alicia shrugged, her fingers moving under Kalinda’s. Moving along her bare chest, still reveling in the fact that she could freely touch the investigator’s soft, flawless skin. She could now feel the goosebumps every time they appeared on the beautiful caramel skin. Her fingers followed the neck of Kalinda’s purple blouse, running along the top of her firm breasts. “We can disclose anytime you want, after the divorce is final.” Truth be told, Alicia wanted everyone to know. She wanted to tell Owen and Will that they were both right. She wanted to show Blake that despite everything he put them through, Alicia still loved her. She wanted to be able to show her affection for the woman she loved in the presence of the people that meant something to her. 

Kalinda gasped as she felt Alicia’s fingers move slowly across the top of her cleavage. Her nails gently scratching the sensitive flesh. Alicia made her feel beautiful and special. From the way she looked at her to the ways she could now touch her. She had never allowed herself to feel as deeply inside herself as Alicia made her feel. But she didn’t know if she could give that feelings. If she could cause Alicia to feel her love as deeply as Kalinda did. “I’m not good at this, Alicia, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Do you want to try?” she asked.

Kalinda looked away for a moment. She had been waiting for Alicia to ask her that. She had been waiting for a lot of things that were now happening. But Kalinda was a creature of habit. People didn’t come into her personal life because they never stayed long. And no one had been to her apartment except Lana. “Stay with me tonight?” The words almost shock her more than they shocked the attorney. But Alicia’s face shown nothing but love and compassion. “We don’t have work tomorrow and if this death appeal doesn’t work I’d prefer not to be alone.” Alicia smiled at how vulnerable Kalinda was making herself. Forcing herself out of her routine and into something she had been avoiding since her marriage failed. 

“First of all, we’re not gonna lose this appeal. Our very attractive in-house found all the evidence we need to win,” she said, kissing her cheek. “And second, I would love to stay with you tonight.” She laid on her side, taking Kalinda’s hand and placing it on the bare skin of her hip. She sighed as the investigator’s fingers started mapping out her skin. She was already beginning to crave the investigator’s warm, confident touches. “Full disclosure, I told Will I was attracted to you. So, don’t be too surprised if he isn’t shocked.”

Kalinda paused for half a beat before laughing. Her fingers moving to Alicia’s waist, her fingernails digging into the soft, pale flesh. “I told Will three months ago. In my defense, he got me completely drunk before I gave anything up.”

Alicia closed her eyes for a minute, remembering her short phone call with Will before Kalinda had arrived. “That’s why Will sent you here,” she said with a smile as Kalinda gave that signature confused look. “He was the one I called this morning about the addendum. Before he got off the phone, he laughed, and sent you here. Knowing I wouldn’t be able to leave.” Kalinda opened her mouth to say something, but Alicia spoke again. “He knew you would stay. He knew how upset I was over Clarence. And he knew you wouldn’t leave me alone”

Kalinda’s fingers gripped Alicia’s waist tighter; pulling her closer. Nuzzling her nose against Alicia’s as she laid her head against the satin pillows. Keeping her as close as she dared. She hated seeing her friend in pain. Feeling alone and abandoned. She made a mental note to reprimand Will for laughing at her. “I’d never leave if you needed me.”

Another crash came from the kitchen before Peter started yelling. His voice carrying throughout the house. Alicia was so sick of hearing Peter’s campaign voice. She was tired of all the people coming in and out of her life. She was tired of having strangers around her children. Alicia could hear Grace start yelling for him to be quiet. Grace had always been her shy, quiet child. She never liked loud noise. At that moment, her heart ached for her sensitive girl. She was so much like her it was frightening. And try as she might, she couldn’t shield her from everything. “I hate him being here,” she muttered, burying her face in Kalinda’s neck. Wanting more than anything to disappear for a little while. “The kids were fine last week. Grace was happy. Zach was finally coming out of his room. Now all I have is two moody, angry teenagers.” 

Kalinda’s hands came around the attorney’s back. She felt Alicia’s pain as if it were her own. She felt every ounce of anger, frustration, and shame that radiated from her body. She hadn’t realized the tension in the home had become so intolerable. She hadn’t realized Grace and Zach were suffering because of their father’s trial and campaign. Kalinda tried not to imagine Alicia coming home from work and seeking refuge away from the man she spent fifteen years of her life with. She tried not to remember how awful and terrifying it felt not to feel comfortable in your own home. “How long’s this been going on?”

Alicia focused on the scent of Kalinda’s subtle perfume and the feel of her hair against her face. Her hands on her back more comforting than she had expected. She never thought she would be able to feel comfort from another person after the scandal broke. But even as Kalinda’s hand massaged the muscles in her back and her breath gently whispered in her ear, she could still hear the chaos dying down outside the door. “Since Peter’s been on house arrest.” Alicia’s hand lightly touched Kalinda’s hip. Her fingers moving under the purple blouse until she found the skin of her waist. She needed someone to be strong for her for a while. Someone she trusted and who wouldn’t betray that trust. Yes, Kalinda had sex with her husband. She also knew why and she could forgive that. She could forget that. She couldn’t forget the eighteen times with a hooker. Or the repeated school functions he missed. Or the way he treated their children during the campaign. Alicia was divorcing him, but she didn’t know if it had anything to do with the scandal, or if that feeling was there long before he was unfaithful. “I thought I could forgive him. I thought I could let it go, but I can’t.”

It had been four days since Peter’s release. And it had been a week since Alicia started acting nervous and moody. Spending far more time at work than was necessary. Finding her reading in her office late into the night when she should be home. Grace coming to Kalinda’s office every day after school to work on a book report. She was always quiet so the investigator never minded. Shannon trying to hint to the investigator that something was wrong. Bringing up arguments she had overheard the girl’s parents having or bringing up that her mother hadn’t come out of her room the night before. It hadn’t meant anything at the time. It meant everything as she held Alicia closer to her body. Kalinda kissed the shell of Alicia’s ear. “As soon as we save Clarence we’re doing shots.” She held the attorney tighter to her, nipping at her ear. “Any time you need somewhere to go...come to me.”

As Alicia pulled away and her lips barely touched Kalinda’s, her phone rang. It was time to return to reality. They had a job to do. She moaned and listened to the investigator giggle. “You sure do giggle an awful lot.”

“Answer the phone,” she said, biting her lower lip. “The faster we save Clarence, the faster we can get out of your bedroom.”

Alicia grabbed the landline phone from her bedside table. “You mean the faster we save Clarence, the faster we get to go to your bedroom.”

Kalinda batted her eyes, glancing at the files on the bed. “That’s what I said.”


End file.
